How Did I Become This?

I had friends in school. I was popular in college. My weekends were always busy, and so was my phone. There was never a doubt that I’d ever feel alone or lonely. How is that possible? I had so many friends.

My Dad complained I was spending less time with them. And I complained that I wasn’t spending enough time with friends. The group of friends changed, but Dad’s complain remained the same.

Years passed.

Now, Mom’s gone, Dad has joined her and I’m here, alone. Where are you, my friend? Did you think your WhatsApp condolence is all that I deserved after those hours and days and nights of spending our time together?

Why do you ask me to be strong? Do I not deserve a moment to fall? Cry and be weak?

Why did you expect me to be over it once I became a mom? Does is change the fact that I am still an orphan?

I have seen posts of people urging friends to come speak to them if they were suicidal. Why do we have to wait for a friend to be suicidal? Why can’t we always just grant the benefit of doubt? And why do we trivialize our friends’ problems?

Is this what we are becoming as a community? Is this what we want to leave behind for our kids? Or do we want to show them the true value of friendship? My mom used to always say, “Make friends. They will always be there for you.” Then why have I become this? Is it because when you laugh the world laughs with you, but you cry you cry alone?

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